Motivational Posters

Til Death Parts Us...

A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

What To Do With The Black Jelly Beans ?

Truth be told, I despise black jelly beans. The fruit jelly beans are delicious, but I have never cared for the taste of anise, whether it is in Ouzo, Sambuca, Pizzelles or candy. Prior to Easter I ordered Fruit Jelly Beans from Malley's candies only to find that it included the little black ones. The bag of fruit beans was devoured within one day post- Easter. What should I do with the dozen or so licorice flavored that lie at the bottom of the candy dish? I was thinking of making jewelry.(please send me your black beans)

Can someone tell me, when did Anise become a fruit?

Bank Error in My Favor

Take A chance and lose the cash?

I was checking my bank statement online and noticed a deposit for $295.00 that I didn't recall making. Most of my deposits are direct or through PayPal so thought I would call and ask the origin of this particular deposit.

The young lady on the phone informed me that it was made at the drive-thru window but couldn't tell me what was included in the deposit. She then added, "I can request a copy for you."

"Does it cost anything?" I inquired, knowing there is always a charge for everything.

"Well if it is our mistake then 'no' but if you did in fact make that deposit it will cost 5 dollars."

"Okay, so I am either going to be out 5 bucks or $295.00. That's okay I really don't want to know that bad."

TOP TEN: Customer Service Via Telephone

One would think that with all the stupid people I have come across this week, I would not be experiencing writer’s block. Since I can't seem to write anything substantial, I have decided to incorporate the events of the last week into my “Top Ten” Pet Peeves when dealing with customer service via telephone....

10. If I already punched in my account number why do you ask again when you answer?
9. When I call, why does it seem your computers are running “slow today”?
8. Putting me back on hold for 10 minutes does not mean I will go away..I am a persistent bitch!
7. If you don’t know the answer ... don’t make one up!
6. Is there anyone there that speaks English a little better than yourself?
5. “Your name is Mike?" (Bob, Joe, John etc)
4. Why do I have to “press or say” account number, name, etc. through several menus before I can speak to a real person? (Note*I’ve found a solution for this one, if you start cussing you will be asked by the friendly automated voice “Did you say agent?”)
3. Assume that I have already attempted the simple things first before I called you. No need to go over the 'obvious'.
2. “Oh, you only know the ‘obvious’ then I will need to talk to the supervisor for help.”
1. “So... you’re not any smarter than the last person, just that you started a few weeks before him so you got to be supervisor.”

Bosnian Arrest

Police in Bosnia have arrested a man who tried to kill his mother-in-law with an antitank missile and then a machine gun, and missed her both times.

The reason he tried to kill her? She said that he is a loser who failed at everything he ever tried to do.

- Jay Leno