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I reside in Cleveland with my 2 sons, 2 dogs, 2 cats and some fish...all were rescued from unfit living conditions. Just the pets ..not the kids.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Woman Begs For Help From Dear Abby About Her Lying, Cheating Husband

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything.

What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!

Also, since he lost his job several years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills.

And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Dump him. You're the Secretary of State now. You don't need him anymore.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The People of WalMart~OMG

Okay.... I can't help it, these are too funny!

You have to get there early if you want a good seat!
Please let that be mud......
I bet the fat kid is getting more cake....
Ask all King's horses and all the King's men .....why did they put her back together again?!

In these economic times, even the Walmart smiley face needs a second job!
Here is the ringleader of the circus known as Walmart!
"Does this outfit make me look fat?"
Stop shopping in the skinny girl section!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Litttle Things to Make Life More Interesting

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."

4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

8. Practice making fax and modem noises.

9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it
that way."

16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.

17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

18. Honk and wave to strangers.

19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.


21. type only in lowercase.

22. dont use any punctuation either

23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.

"Never mind, it's gone now."

25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

27. Ask people what gender they are.

28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

30. Sing along at the opera.

31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter
something about "psychological profiles."

Walmart's Real Customers - Gotta love these!

Who are you again? Oh never mind....                                    Texas

Damn girl, just because it’s Halloween doesn’t mean you gotta trick everyone by
letting your treats hang out.

Respect & Class Thanks For Showing Us That You’re An Ass…………..on a side note, why is Ain’t highlighted?                                              Arizona

I don't even want to know how he knows.....                   Ohio

This isn’t prison buddy, you don’t have to hang on to her. Trust me, no one is thinking about stealing her from you.                            Virginia

He was just killing time while his supermodel girlfriend was shopping. I’m just kidding,
his mom kicked him out of the basement to go make real friends because all he did was play
World of Warcraft all day.

It looks as if Donald Trump and John Daly morphed into one big creepy being.

Why do people feel the need to be so mean to their shorts? Being a pair of gray sweat shorts is embarrassing enough, no need to humiliate them in public like that.

Did she pass the inspection?   Michigan

Is anyone else absolutely shocked that there would be wrestling outside of a Walmart? I guess the parking lot wasn’t big enough for  NASCAR. event.

The only way this could be more creepy was if one of them had their pants off.

Technically those suspenders are working. You don’t normally see them used with jean shorts. Of course I usually don’t see a belly apron just hanging out to say “hi” either.
He is wearing… a trash bag… as a skirt. I can’t even fathom a reason why!  Oklahoma

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The People of WalMart~This is an interesting look at the real Walmart Customers!

 That’s so weird. I was just asking myself “Hey, I wonder if that guy drinks too much or needs to store fuel to please his woman that he constantly has sex with?” Thanks for clearing that up for all of us, it would have been awkward if I had to ask.

Are those ankle weights, half-socks or sweatbands? Does she think that if things are kind of the same color they can go together? Are see-through shorts only appropriate with shiny blue hats? I wish I knew how these things worked.

Early cloning method failures.

 I don’t think your hamburger is the only thing you need 

 Somebody come here and pick up my jaw, I can’t seem to find it now that my eyes popped out of my head

How did this guy find my Osh Kosh B’gosh overalls from when I was 4?

This man is becoming a legend on this site! But when you start to accent the undies with a flannel vest, HOT DAMN!! How could you not be legendary?

 I get it. Putting messages on your ass for people to read is still in style. And I get it, Cocks is for South Carolina Gamecocks. But how bout we either have the good sense not to make this, or to not wear it.

 We have this picture up so that you can stare at it for 5 minutes to decide if she is hot, then try to convince yourself that you don’t actually think she’s hot when you know she really is. 

It’s simple: We, uh, killed Batman. 

If you asked a 7 year old to dress himself, he would probably come out looking something like this…

We get it. You were in a Paula Abdul video 20 years ago, awesome! Now please change.

Well, lets all be thankful that at least half is covered. 

Excuse me, your balls are showing…. 

  “Where the hell is the cereal aisle?”

 Oh, you want to take my son for a ride in your van? Ya sure, I don’t see a problem with that. 

 I think she has already signed up for season 4 of Rock of Love.

 It’s like those shorts are managing to cover nothing and everything at the same time. 
  I would bet that Granny is packin’ heat.